even gold gets old
Da-DAA-da-dun-dun-dun-dun-duh-da-dun-da-dun-da-dun-da-dun-duh-de-dun-dun-DUN! And repeat.
In case you don’t recognize it, that’s the olympic theme song. (And yes, you should be slightly embarrassed if you couldn’t.)
Yes, yes, the olympics are here. And since I’m starting this post with such an opening, I know you’re wondering one of two things, so I will address both issues now. No, this post is not going to have any (cheesy) metaphors about going for the gold in the great race of faith blah-blah-blah, etc. And no, neither Stil or myself are related to Shaun White.
I have a love-hate relationship with the Olympics. I get jazzed with the best of them over events I’ve never even heard of like skeleton racing. Skeleton racing? Who the heck made that up? But it exists. And people do it. Unreal.
I love the drama and excitement of it all. I love the opening ceremonies. I love the idea that people from countries all over the world are in one place because they’ve truly mastered something and are going to show of their skillz with the best of them. I love that the competitors are serious athletes and I think they deserve their moment in the spotlight for all the time and effort they’ve put in, even if they don’t win.
But I don’t like the scoring. These people are the best of the best and they’re only separated by nano-seconds on the clock or nano-points on the scoreboard. When that little is between them, can you really say one is better than the other? Ski the mountain the next day and that bronze could be a silver. Land that triple sow cow (seriously? who came up with that name?) and what was tenth place could be a gold. Sleep better, eat more pasta, drink less orange pop, put your lucky button in your left skate instead of your right and everything – everything! – could be different a mere 24 hours later. With the dividing line that small, is the gold podium really that much higher than the silver or bronze?
And what goes hand-in-hand with the scoring is the dashing of so many peoples lives. Not just their dreams but their lives. These athletes stake everything on the hope of a medal that, most likely, they will not win. Their youth, their money and their identity are spent on going after this one single goal. Their determination and dedication is admirable… but is it worth it? Ten, fifteen, twenty years spent training for one thing. Then – they don’t win. And ten, fifteen, twenty years could be spent looking back, wondering if they could have changed it. If they could have been better.
Like I said, I do admire their tenacity and focus and vision. But, when such training is required that it really does become your life, it almost seems like the ‘sport’ of it all disappears and it becomes ‘work.’ Now, work isn’t bad. And I like going to the gym and using an exercise ball just as much as the next puppet does…but eight hours a day? Six days a week? That’s gotta become old – just like anything else.
And I think that’s what I’m realizing in general. Life is pretty mundane. Yes, there are moments of gut-heaving laughter and spontaneous joy. Great things and life-changing events and momentous occasions happen, sure. Getting a promotion and landing your dream job. Starting a family. Winning a gold medal. But then… it’s back to the gym. Or the laundry. Or your thirty minute lunch break. And it gets pretty boring.
I’m not that old yet, but I’m old enough and I’ve seen enough (either in my own life or from movies I’ve netflixed) to know that it doesn’t matter what you do or how much money or power you have. Life gets boring. It doesn’t matter if your name is Apollo or Peekaboo or Stumpy. It doesn’t matter if you’re at the start of the race, just finished it, or watching the whole thing from home eating a big ole’ box of cheez-its. Once the rush is over and the thrill is gone, it’s back to life and life can be really dull. And so can the person who looks at you in the mirror each morning.
Now, I know this is the part where I’m supposed to sum it all up with a tidy paragraph about finding our contentment in God and our joy in the Lord and our hope in eternity. But I really only have the right to say those things as much as I’m convicted by them. And, while I believe them to be true, conviction these days is somewhat low.
So, I’m really not sure how to end. I’m starting to think I know next to nothing about walking in grace. But they say the first step is admitting you have a problem so maybe some lesson lies ahead. I will definitely be watching round two of ice dancing tomorrow. (I’m rooting for the Canadians.) And, if you’re wondering, I can testify to the fact that short track skating is quite the rush. (Stil and I participated in a short track relay derby charity event in 2004 to raise money for the rain forests of Columbia. Who knew there were ice skating fans in Columbia? We were broadcast on two channels – Telemundo Columbia! and Tele Co’bia. Just fyi.)
ode to friendship. and my friend.
After a two-and-a-half year hiatus that’s been filled with globe-trotting, normal-job-working, an attempt to grow me some serious dreds, and the longest cheez-it fast ever, I’ve finally landed back where I started (even before ihop) and my blogging sabbatical is officially over. To be cliche’ about it…Stumpy’s back. And better than ever.
I’d fill you in on all the details of where I’ve been and why I was there, but then you wouldn’t want to read the book I’m working on: ‘Where I’ve Been and Why I Was There.’ It’s slated for release in December 2012 – well, if the world doesn’t end like the Mayans and John Cusack are predicting. I know that seems like a long ways off…but patience is a virtue. And there will be a nationwide book signing tour.
So just a few tidbits to tide your over…
-You know how whenever you see someone dismount a camel on t.v. you think, “Man, I wonder if that’s as awkward and uncomfortable as it looks?” It is, in fact, as awkward and uncomfortable as it looks.
-A rodeo is by far the most exciting sporting event you could ever attend.
-Olive oil can be substituted for regular oil in any, I repeat, ANY recipe. A baking fiend of Italian descent informed me of this fact and fed me confectionary treats to prove it true. Yep. True.
-Prayer is difficult with or without a prayer room.
So now with all that said, permit me a few, more insightful words while I have your attention (aka – the actual point of this entry). The last few years have whirred by, regardless of where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing. I’ve realized that, no matter where I’ve ended up, I’m often learning the same lessons in the Lord and dealing with the same demons. (‘Demons’ here is metaphorical – you know, ‘issues’…’struggles’…’personal hang-ups’ – and not literal. While I appreciate the spiritual depth and understanding of this blog’s readership, I do find it somewhat comical that this is probably the only blog in the history of blogdom in which such a point would have to be clarified.) I’ve also realized that, no matter where I’ve found myself, my dearest friends have continued to be just as dear.
That’s right, Stil. I’m talking about you. I figured this was a pretty good time to give you, what they call in Cincinnati a ‘shout out,’ considering this is OUR blog. I know we’re all supposed to be growing in humility but just bear with me a moment or two while I put this puppet on a pedestal.
Stil is one of my bestest friends. Ernie had Bert. Lucy had Ethel. David had Jonathan. And I have Stil. Though many miles apart we may be, no one gets my ‘Stumpy-ness’ quite like Stil. And no one makes me laugh like this puppet does. And no one is up for antics like Stil either. I’m not just talking about crazy things like breaking a Tuesday fast with a bag of Doritos and a pizza. I’m talking things like para-sailing. Skeet shooting. And evangelizing on the Muppet Show. Can you imagine how that conversation went?
“Stil…we’re going to be LIVE. On TELEVISION.”
“I know, Stumpy. That’s exactly why we have to ask Miss Piggy if she has a personal relationship with Jesus.”
“Stil…they invited us here to do our Kenny-Chesney-a-capella-tap-dancing routine. That’s it.”
“Do you have your four spiritual laws tract in your cowboy hat?”
Ahh, the early days. And can we talk about that amazing hair? Stylin’ and profilin’. But the greatest thing about Stil is that I know I have a friend who will weather all of life’s storms with me. Perhaps a better way of putting it is, I know I have a friend who will weather well with me.
As more of my life on this side passes, the more I realize that being a grown-up is exhausting. And sometimes disappointing. And sometimes worse. And it really is from glory to glory we go. No faster than one day at a time. Which sometimes feels like the worst part of all. And learning all of this can be really, really hard and really, really lonely if you don’t have a few faithful puppets by your side. I know I have at least one and I am so thankful I do. I am so thankful for you.
And I want to take this moment at the beginning of a new season to remind you, Stilletto Stiltskin, just how much you mean to me. It is truly an honor to be a puppet by your side and I believe, whatever the storms, we will weather them well. We will weather them well, indeed.
what took them so long?
Have you ever come across the most amazingly-mind-blowing invention and asked yourself “what the heck took them so long to come up with this? Well, we have. Here’s a few:
-DiGigorno’s Garlic Bread Pepperoni Pizza (we’ll never go back to regular crust again!)
-Plastic Wrap that can be made into baggies! (Brilliant!)
-New T.V. shows in the summer instead of re-runs (seriously, people have more time to watch t.v. in the summer anyways…but we’re fasted, so we don’t watch t.v.)
-mini-van’s with doors on both sides (i don’t want to be wasting my time having to walk all the way around the van to get in it!)
-replacing the orange chairs at FSM
-the 3 lb bulk box of Cheez-its from Costco (it’s 3 times the size and 2/3 the price of the standard box)
- shampoo and conditioner in 1!!!
-cool looking leather bibles (ESV and NASB…especially!)
-listerine breath-strips
There are a plethora of other examples. Please feel free to share your own.
why guys need to act normal and girls need to relax:
So, I’m sitting here listening to Lighthouse, which makes me think of college, which makes me think of the many awkward interactions I have had with the opposite sex.
Now…just to clear things up…I am not a nerd. I’m not more socially awkward than the next young adult. Yes, I say stupid things constantly. Yes, I clam-up and act like a freak from outter-space around people I have crushes on…but seriously…who doesn’t? (mmm-hmm…sock-puppets do get crushes.)
Here’s the thing…feel free to disagree…but, I think Christian guys and girls are much more awkward around each other than non-Christians. And my theory is because it’s drilled into our heads during men’s and women’s time to be sensative to each other’s weaknesses, to the point that we’re really scared we’re going to make each other stumble. Let me give an example:
It’s a well known fact that during the fall, woman’s curse was that “her desire would be for her husband and he would rule over her”. This manifests itself, for most women, by the abiding desire to be pursued, cherished, loved and protected by a man. It is such a longing in the woman’s soul that those who are not cemented in the approval of Abba-God, often find themselves exchanging their dignity for the approval of a man. Don’t get me wrong…I think it’s healthy and good for women to want to get married. The cursed part is that this longing can result in unhealthy fantasizing. (I liken this struggle of her emotions to man’s struggle with his eyes.)
Now Godly, sensative men know this about their sisters and, naturally and rightly, want to serve them by pushing them closer to the Lord without being a distraction. Like most things, the pendulum tends to swing to the extreme and suddenly most men fear giving a woman attention will inevitably arouse her emotions in a way he does not intend; thus, I believe many women (especially single women) are experiencing a severe lack of healthy affirmation that God has ordained men to give to their sisters.
I think well of the brothers. I belive that their intentions are pure and loving. I think many of them have had the unfortunate experience of being nice to a girl, for the sake of being Christ-like, only for her to take it as an imminent marriage proposal. Now, the only reason she thinks he’s in love with her is because no boy is ever this nice to her so, in her mind, it can only mean one thing…the man’s got the hot’s for me. This is the reason no boy is every nice to her…
Do you see the vicious cycle?
I witnessed something beautiful the other day.
I was part of a conversation with a girl and a guy. They were friends. Joking around…talking about the stuff of life. Suddenly the guy says to the girl…out of the blue…”You’re really pretty.” I have to say…there was nothing creepy or wierd about his comment. He wasn’t meaning it as a come-on…and she didn’t freak out and suddenly think he wanted to marry her. It was such a perfect example of a man edifying a women in a platonic, loving way. It is possible.
He was glorified by his confidence (strength) and she was glorified by her beauty. This is the way God designed it. He wants men and women to build each other up. It’s hard for young adults to do this because of inexperience and insecurity. But I think that without men and women encouraging each other, we miss a vital message that the Lord longs to speak to our hearts.
How do we fix this problem? We all need to get a lot better about finding our identity in the Righteousness of Christ.
Ladies: Just because a man tells you you’re pretty…it doesn’t mean he wants to date you. Take it as a kiss from the Lord and move on. Thank your Father in heaven that you have a brother that is confident and humble enough to speak truth.
Men: Be strong and courageous. If you see something praise-worthy in a sister…tell her. Keep your way pure before the Lord and God is the guardian of her heart.
I mean…I don’t really know what I’m talking about most of the time…it just seems to make sense to me.
these elves or those cheez-its?
In the spirit of pursuing excellence and serving the nations to the best of our ability, may we suggest a slight alteration in a commonly misused phrase that has made its way into IHOP jargon? Now before we go any further, we do want to say our heart posture as puppets is not to criticize the content or heart behind any of the prayers that we hear day and night…night and day. Rather, we want to encourage each other to excel still more and more in all wisdom and understanding of grammatical execution.
Many of you may be interested to know that we actually met while pursuing our doctorates at Duke University. Stil graduated Summa Cum Laude in Speech Pathology and Nordic Dialects and Linguistics. Stumpy graduated Magna Cum Laude in Medieval Literature and Phoenician Hieroglyphic Translation. It wasn’t until we met in Elvish 401: Tolkien Unbound that we discovered our mutual love for human fremsprachen. Or, for the lay person, languages. So as you can see, we know what we’re talking about.
Now, onto correcting 87% of IHOP. We love you…but using the terms these ones or those ones is grammatically incorrect. It’s redundant and both words are not needed. The proper terminology is simply these or those. IE – “Set these apart.” OR – “Strengthen those with might in the inner man.” OR, even still – “Open the heavens over the weak.” (Different word but the same rule still applies.)
In conclusion, we hope this correction is encouraging and beneficial to the house as a whole. We would also like to add that clearly our love is not measured by grammatical correctedness. If you have read our blog at all, you are aware of our abiding relationship with Cheez-Its. Clearly, whoever named this scrumptious product did not know how to spell “cheese.”
So, as they say in elvish…dea ladeilaven aui.
our blogroll…that you’re on.
well…our blogroll…it’s pretty amazing, huh. but not as amazing as cheez-its.
the worst commercial in the world
Head-On…apply directly to forehead. Head-on apply directly…..Head-On! I hate you commercial and I’ll never try your stupid product!!!!!
We made a list of all the crappy commercials in the world and Head-On’s made the top of our list. Great tactic, Head-On, make your commercial as annoying as possible so that we are wounded with hatred and actually remember your miracle healing agent.
Who hired the people behind this advertisment? This commercial is yet another example of unqualified people finding favor. Reason # 2,998 to forsake the world.
Head-On is the Lance Armstrong of bad commercials. It’s so far out front it makes local carpeting and law firm commercials look like emmy nominees.
Can we just talk about how this commercial seems to consistently out-do its own horridness? First is was just annoying, but under the rader with the rest of the low-budget commercials. Then it turned two-toned…a blue version and a red version. THEN…some brilliant guy up in advertising decided to interrupt the origional narrator with some live person complaining about how much they hated the commercial. Yes, the commercial was horrendous to start with…but by acknowledging it’s appalling nature, we now have double reason to lose all respect for a product that knowingly broadcasts poor quality commercials.
But now…the cake has officially been taken….they lost the interrupting person to replace it with a chorus of interrupting voices.
Head-On…what are you thinking?!!!?!!!!???!
As for the rest of the ‘bad commercial list’…don’t worry yourselves. Number two was made is japan and number three was from 1974.
Here’s the question of the week: Can you name a commercial worse than the infamous Head-On?
from furrowed-brow to happy face
In our many travels throughout the earth, we have found there to be certain truths that make the world go round. In each of the diverse communites that we have visited it is inescapable to encounter cultural and social norms. The prayer room at IHOP-KC is no different. If you’ve been to IHOP, you know what we’re talking about: pacing, seat-saving and the furrowed brow of an engaged intercessor (i.e. frowning).
Now, as any outsiders coming into an establishment we are more than happy to assimilate to the current culture. However, as forerunners we began to muse…perhaps norms were meant to be questioned. The specific norm under evaluation at this time is none other then the very un-Christ-like frowning intercessor.
You heard it folks…we have a severe problem with the lack of smilage that is taking place in this house of prayer. Allow us share our theory on the smile-shortage that has overrun our beloved prayer room.
Once a long time ago, a sincere and heart-felt intercessor was deeply engaged in entering into the heart of God while in the prayer room. Whether he was rocking in his chair or pacing down the aisle, we do not know. What we do know is suddenly, like a cheez-it craving, he had an inkling to use the restroom. In his determination to use the restroom and return to the prayer room before the ending of the antiphonal chorus he inadvertantly missed the bright-eyed greeting of another in the hall. The small oversight was innocent enough, but the repercussion has been devastating. What took place in that brief moment of aloofness has created a domino-effect of frowny-faced intercessors. The rejection felt by the bright-eyed intercessor ignited a two-fold insecurity: 1) serious intercession sets are not the time for smiling, 2) do unto others as they have done to you. Within the next 20 minutes, she received three friendly smiles, to which she naturally responded with the same stone-faced expression given to her only moments ago. And on and on it went…
We now find ourselves in the midst of a prayer culture where it often feels inappropriate and, dare we say, unholy to smile in and out of the prayer room.
We completely understand the concentration necessary during intercession. We also recognize that prayer meetings are not a call to social hour. But lets be honest, when someone is pacing opposite you, you’re more than aware of them…in fact, you’ve probably judged them 6 different ways and wished they would get out of your pacing path already!
But really folks, is being friendly so distracting that a smile will leave you disabled in prayer and disconnected from the heart of Jesus?
These sock-puppets say, “Nay.”
Revival starts in the heart of the individual. And so, we have taken it upon ourselves to become revolutionaries in the prayer room. Smiling, sock-puppet, revolutionaries!!!
In taking up this challege we have made several discoveries.
1. Smiling elicits another smile 99.9% of the time
2. Smiling super-naturally produces joy causing:
A. greater connectivity with the heart of God
B. greater connectivity with fellow man
3. Smiling actually builds confidence in who you were made to be
If you’re finding yourself skeptical of our insights, try it yourself and give us your feedback.
Until then we leave you with this final thought:
Turn that frown upside-down when pacing to and fro.
Jesus is returning did you not get the memo?
Remeber in your youthful days that childlike happy glow?
Frowning is for sinners. A smiles the way to go!
fast food…i mean, fasting food.
First, we want to extend our deepest apologies to Dave Sliker and Amanda Beattie, our two biggest fans. Granted, at this point in our blogging career, you are our only fans, but let the record show that because you were our first fans…to us, you will forever be our biggest fans.
We realize that we owe an explanation for our extended leave of absence…so to those who care…here it is:
We were busy.
Note: We want to take this opportunity to expel any myths or misconceptions that sock-puppets have committment issues. Just because we don’t have legs doesn’t mean we can’t be faithful to the end.
In other issues, we thought this would be the prime time to talk about the 40 day fast. Tomorrow is day 7 and, as Stil reasoned earlier this evening, we only need two more sets of 7 days to be approximately half-way through…which for the layperson…is just half-way. 40 days is a heck of a long time to go without cheez-its…but it’s for the Kingdom, which makes it worth it.
But in all seriousness, Stil was talking to Judy Doughty the other day and Judy said that this is the most significant fast she has been part of since coming to IHOP. Yowzers! Folks…we think Judy’s onto something. The fact that “The Summer of Love”, “The Jesus Movement” and Israel taking control of Jerusalem all took place 40 years ago is food for thought, to say the least (no pun intended). This call to stand in the gap for our nation will have signficant impact on our future, that we are sure of.
We totally appreciate IHOP’s approach to fasting: “Don’t ask, Don’t tell”. BUT we know you’re probably curious as to how we are fasting…seeing as we’re sock-puppets. So for the sake of education we’ll tell you. Stil is doing a lemonaid detox fast. Stumpy is fasting from fasting.
