why guys need to act normal and girls need to relax:

So, I’m sitting here listening to Lighthouse, which makes me think of college, which makes me think of the many awkward interactions I have had with the opposite sex.

Now…just to clear things up…I am not a nerd. I’m not more socially awkward than the next young adult. Yes, I say stupid things constantly. Yes, I clam-up and act like a freak from outter-space around people I have crushes on…but seriously…who doesn’t? (mmm-hmm…sock-puppets do get crushes.)

Here’s the thing…feel free to disagree…but, I think Christian guys and girls are much more awkward around each other than non-Christians. And my theory is because it’s drilled into our heads during men’s and women’s time to be sensative to each other’s weaknesses, to the point that we’re really scared we’re going to make each other stumble. Let me give an example:

It’s a well known fact that during the fall, woman’s curse was that “her desire would be for her husband and he would rule over her”. This manifests itself, for most women, by the abiding desire to be pursued, cherished, loved and protected by a man. It is such a longing in the woman’s soul that those who are not cemented in the approval of Abba-God, often find themselves exchanging their dignity for the approval of a man. Don’t get me wrong…I think it’s healthy and good for women to want to get married. The cursed part is that this longing can result in unhealthy fantasizing. (I liken this struggle of her emotions to man’s struggle with his eyes.)

Now Godly, sensative men know this about their sisters and, naturally and rightly, want to serve them by pushing them closer to the Lord without being a distraction. Like most things, the pendulum tends to swing to the extreme and suddenly most men fear giving a woman attention will inevitably arouse her emotions in a way he does not intend; thus, I believe many women (especially single women) are experiencing a severe lack of healthy affirmation that God has ordained men to give to their sisters.

I think well of the brothers. I belive that their intentions are pure and loving. I think many of them have had the unfortunate experience of being nice to a girl, for the sake of being Christ-like, only for her to take it as an imminent marriage proposal. Now, the only reason she thinks he’s in love with her is because no boy is ever this nice to her so, in her mind, it can only mean one thing…the man’s got the hot’s for me. This is the reason no boy is every nice to her…

Do you see the vicious cycle?

I witnessed something beautiful the other day.

I was part of a conversation with a girl and a guy. They were friends. Joking around…talking about the stuff of life. Suddenly the guy says to the girl…out of the blue…”You’re really pretty.” I have to say…there was nothing creepy or wierd about his comment. He wasn’t meaning it as a come-on…and she didn’t freak out and suddenly think he wanted to marry her. It was such a perfect example of a man edifying a women in a platonic, loving way. It is possible.

He was glorified by his confidence (strength) and she was glorified by her beauty. This is the way God designed it. He wants men and women to build each other up. It’s hard for young adults to do this because of inexperience and insecurity. But I think that without men and women encouraging each other, we miss a vital message that the Lord longs to speak to our hearts.

How do we fix this problem? We all need to get a lot better about finding our identity in the Righteousness of Christ.

Ladies: Just because a man tells you you’re pretty…it doesn’t mean he wants to date you. Take it as a kiss from the Lord and move on. Thank your Father in heaven that you have a brother that is confident and humble enough to speak truth.

Men: Be strong and courageous. If you see something praise-worthy in a sister…tell her. Keep your way pure before the Lord and God is the guardian of her heart.

I mean…I don’t really know what I’m talking about most of the time…it just seems to make sense to me.

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